"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. " —Ferris Bueller
The little genius (or rather writer/director John Hughes) was right. Life does move pretty fast, and it seems to be accelerating every time I turn around. The times (like now) when I can just sit and enjoy the weather and write seems fewer and farther between. On the weekend there's always a dance lesson, or a swim lesson, or a club to rush the kids to. On the weekdays we are off to school and work with snippets of daily happenings filling in the gaps. As we strive for quality time with family and friends, I am taking stock in what I do each day to make deposits in the emotional bank accounts of my loved ones. I am also looking at the ways others make deposits of affection and goodwill with me.
I've discovered I rely a bit to much on email and twitter to keep me connected with those I care about. I've also discovered that they are doing it too. And then I thought, perhaps that's just how it has to be. We are so busy that we have to find new ways to stay connected because we can't always be together when we might want to be.
It might be crazy schedules which keep us apart. It might be family duties with kids and even aging parents which keep us apart. It might be a mismatch in the ages and genders of our children that make family get togethers less harmonious. Whatever the reason, using electronic means - email, Twitter, Facebook, SMS txt messages, whatever -- to stay up to date on what's going on in each others lives is a way to keep the relationship alive until there's a better match in our blended realities.
Children are not always little. Jobs are not always demanding (ideally anyway). Spouses aren't always on the road, or whatever.
I have a close circle of friends who live in another city than me. I am jealous of the full, rich lives they have together when I cannot be with them. I know I'm missing out on some many little things, but we've found ways through email and Skype and occasional real-world visits to stay connected on some level and to continue to care for one another as only best friends can.
It's a little scary to actually write that --- I hope they feel that way about me -- I know I feel that way about them... but who knows where I stand with real world visits only 1-2 times a year and phone and email in the intervening times. I guess this is the trust we must put these long distance relationships... and these blended-reality communities.
It occurs to me words "neighborhood" and "community" are sometimes used interchangeably today. Getting clear on the meaning of the words seems important as we all come to grips with our new blended realities.
A neighbor is someone who is in close proximity to you (geographically). A neighborhood is a collection of someones in close proximity to you. That definition implies two or more people with some common geographical interests but not necessarily emotional ties That notion reminds me of the old adage about good fences making good neighbors... it's good to share proximity but it's better to understand our boundaries. Neighborhoods and their neighbors have a subdivided notion to them.
The word "community" doesn't have a variation to denote a singular member. It implies one cannot have a community of one. It also implies a one-ness of a group ---
- comm-unity = common unity?
An older definition of the word gave a notion a community being physically located near one another.
Technology has allowed for communities to exist across long distances. Technology has allowed communities to continue to thrive as digital diasporas.
So we come back to my neighborhood. We are a collection of homes and homeowners who have a geographically based association with one another. Our walls and fences keep us apart.
Our desire for community, common unity, brings us together. And now technology can help us build communities where once only neighborhoods were possible.
We can have neighborhood discussion boards instead of coffee klatches (because we now drink our coffee in our cars or at obscene hours of the morning while we're quite unpresentable for social calls). These have the added advantage of being public and more inclusive of even our husbands.
We have email addresses to communicate asynchronously when it's convenient for us when the kids are in bed or other occupied in safe, fun activities.
Just recently I learned that it was a good idea to add my neighbors to my LinkedIn connections, and my Facebook friends, because at the end of a day when I've been running at Mach 2 with my hair on fire and I find I have an email or a message scrawled for me --- my emotional bank account, my good will bucket, my happiness meter overfloweth. Even electronically, it's nice to be thought of even if it's to pass along a joke.
Being connected to my neighbors means I can help them through their troubles big and small and it means their resources may be my resources if I've built up enough credit with them.
Being connected in online kinds of ways give us new ways to loan a neighbor a cup of sugar, a little virtual sweetness in a life that's already moving pretty fast.
Time to make dinner. More musings later.
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